I'm sorry but I cannot change
myself completely . . .

A difficult person to live with I can be,
But I mean no harm to anyone.
All I need is love, surely this you must see.
With guilt please don't weigh me down.

They say that with age comes many experiences,
I'm 17, how much must I go through in such a short while?
Many times I've been left senseless,
How long must I endure this trial?

I do not intentionally seek out harm or trouble,
I'm just numb towards the responsibility for my own well-being.
Forced to do things against my will,
An escape to freedom I am not seeing.

I could not have been stripped of what makes me, "Me",
Because I've not yet become my own person.
Be patient and gentle with me I plea,
Away from my feelings of pain, I cannot run.

I cloak my sadness with a smile,
Going through the day hiding my true emotions,
Most times my future looks sad and dismal,
In my search for healing, I'm all out of options.

Every part of me which should be mine alone to give,
Has been forcibly stolen and/or trodden underfoot.
Now, there is of me nothing left to give,
I am like an infant crying for my cot (sleep).

I am confused, hopeless, and miserable,
I pause to feel the pounding of my heartbeat,
Like my emotions it is irregular and unpredictable.
I am here waiting only for my God to meet.

All I want is to be cut loose, of this life,
I need to be free from all I've seen
Cause I've seen so much pain and strife.
I cannot take you to all the places I've been!

I beg you to please try to understand,
I do not mean you any harm or disappointment.
But on unstable ground my feet do stand,
Because wasted on fears and anger my childhood has been spent.

© Victoria Brooks, May, 2009.